My Big Hurry

As soon as the warm weather came to my part of the world, which was very late in coming this year, it seemed like I delved back into the winter and the holidays again. I often get in a big hurry to get things done when I have big ideas and I had an idea.

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For the last few years I wanted to write about winter magic but I was never able to come up with a story line. This summer however, I developed an idea. I set out to writing my stories and creating my little pet project, expecting to complete it and self-publish for this coming winter season. I have complained about technology as I struggle to keep up with it lately because I am still fumbling around on my new computers, I am just barely on Pinterest (and for some reason I think I have two accounts), I have never tweeted and I do not even know what Instagram is. But it is also a wonderful way to accomplish things that were once not possible. I would never be a published writer except that now self-publishing is on option. Fabulous.

My pet project includes short stories, recipes and photos. I also need to figure out the whole self-publishing “thing” and create my book. I have worked on all of those aspects here and there along the way. I made some adjustments to my pet project as I realized that my initial plan would not fit into the time frame I had allotted myself. As my time to complete the project is drawing near for unveiling this winter season, I did some more research on self-publishing a few days ago. I had intended to unveil the completed book on my blog, but the research suggests otherwise. I need to try out my idea on an audience for feedback and what better audience than the internet for honest feedback.

It made sense so I revised my plan again and started working to get my creation in order to share with you for feedback and help. My research also strongly suggested that I have professional copyediting performed. Hmmm…that would take time. It also mentioned that once you put something in print, it was “out there” forever thus why wouldn’t you want to have the best representation shown? It should be thoughtful and ready versus just quickly finished to get it published. Hmmm…there is much wisdom to that since this was a labor of love that I was enjoying and I should share the “true” vision of my project instead of putting it together quickly to fit my deadline. It was only meant as a gift for grandma’s and family members but since it would be available to all it should be my best.

Phew…that all means that I still have so much more to finish.

My days are full as I “do life” with my family and nighttime is the only time that I am able to work on my pet project. But there are also numerous other things that I need to fit into that time frame too and I am tired. Last night I had a quiet temper tantrum because I really wanted to work on my stories and there just was not going to be time. Each time I thought I would get to it I remembered that I had real work to do online and that I had not made lunch for my son or scooped cat litter and prepared my cat for the evening. And those last-minute dishes that get me EVERY night when I think that my kitchen is all caught up. Ugh.

Time ticked on and my quiet temper tantrum festered. “What about me and the fun things that I want to do? When do I get to play?”

I was pooped as I finally got to look at my drafts and focus on the computer for “me” time. I complained in my head that I had so much left to work on before my pet project would even be remotely readied. How was I going to get it all done in the next few weeks?

A voice simply said, “You’re not.”

It was the voice in my head and it was right. There was no way that I was going to have this ready in a few weeks, especially if I wanted it to be a representation of the true project that I wanted to create. I do want it to be right and I do want the first thing I ever self-publish to look like my plan.

I was disappointed because I have worked whole-heartedly on it. And because in addition to my pet project there are other things that I want to do for my blog that will have to come in time.

Then I started to feel a little relief. When resignation set in, I began to feel excited. Accepting that this was not the right time to be finished with my pet project meant that I would have the time to do it right. I would have this winter season to feel some of the essence that my project would need. I could work on recipes and photos and enjoy it. I was feeling good about my new decision.

You see, I have issues. Plenty. Jumping in head first and working like a crazy lady to meet a self-imposed deadline always gets me.

Except for my front porch bench.

I have been sitting on this project for quite some time because I am tired of this bench. In the last few years, I have painted it bright red and then bright yellow and that was quite an accomplishment.

Now that our undeveloped development is developing we are just one brown house in a row of brown houses. I need to stand out, tastefully. I am not a big fan of blending in, unless I am hiding. Last fall we had our shutters replaced and the bright yellow bench no longer went with the new brown color. So, I painted our front door a new bright color and I had big plans for the bench. I wanted a bright multi-colored bench so I jumped in to that project. I did not allow myself the opportunity and time to really select the colors so it was a pathetic excuse for a bench. Now I need to just paint it the one color to match the door and be done with it and I have no interest any more. But, it needs to be done so that our front looks reasonably put together.

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But the geraniums that were to be replaced with fall Mums are still out front. So is the empty planter that was supposed to be filled with more geraniums. The spider webs and dead bugs that hang from our unused doorbell (Do not ring this and wake up my children! Knock, please!) and light fixtures are not Halloween decorations. They are real. I cannot keep up with the pace of the critters therefore they are still there on my front porch. At least the dead bug dotted spider webs deter people from using my doorbell in the event that they want to ignore my sign. Painting my bench will help but it’s only a drop in the bucket for our curb appeal.

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This weekend I had bake sale volunteer requirements to be fulfilled. I planned to make 3 desserts but I was lucky to squeak out one.

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We coveted that cake so I would like to make another one for us.

Thankfully, my neighbor offered to make something because she misses baking since she is watching what she eats lately. She made us a dessert too and it was heavenly.

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I have been in a mood to make decorations and gifts lately but I know that I cannot fulfill that desire. I did however fight that knowledge and purchase some mini-mason jars at the grocery store as an impulse buy because I want to make SOMETHING. Is that too much to ask? Probably, but I am trying. At least they will keep until next year if I cannot get to it.

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So, I have no business trying to self-publish a book right now. What was I thinking?

But my new direction for my pet project has me jazzed to do it the way that I intended and I would still like your help. I will keep working on it and will roll it out closer to the holiday season to see what you think and to get your feedback and suggestions. Is it even worth it? Am I on track or do I need to rework it? Does it look more like something my cat created? I don’t know and I need your help.

There will be Sugar & Spice Black Tea and Christmas Butter Cookies.

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There will be twinkle lights.

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and there will be napping…lots of napping. It is a grown-up story after all!

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